♫I think I'm Paranoid♫
First off, accident update: neck was pretty sore this morning, but I've been stretching it all day & rubbing it myself, and it's not feeling too bad now. My nerves are fairly calm - I'm still thinking a lot, but not so much about the "what if"s, but a number of other things that I've come to realize from this experience. But I don't think I'm ready to write them down yet. However, in my mind, I can still remember the thoughts going through my head, and the visions of seeing the truck coming closer & closer to my car. I was screaming "shit no shit no shit shit shit!" but thinking that I was going to die. I don't think I'll actually forget those thoughts, although a number of people say that in cases like that, your life is supposed to flash before your eyes. Maybe I didn't get to that point yet, although I'm sure if I hadn't turned around, and had gone further into the truck, I might have had that. That was one of the scariest moments of my life.
I was actually going to write about this about a week and a half ago, but never did. I find myself to be a paranoid person when it comes to others. And when they travel far. My parents left for New Hampshire on Easter morning (which is when I was going to write this) and I thought "they may not make it down there." Not the first time I've thought this - any time they travel anywhere, I think this. Or if a friend is travelling, or one of my siblings. I don't know...I always just expect the worst. I also think this if someone's late. I'm so very paranoid about these things.
Yet, I never worried about me being in an accident or dying. Maybe it's b/c of what I said in my last post, that I don't generally care about my own death (at least, not till now) But also, it's probably a slight feeling of invincibililty. So many young people have this. And I don't think I'm wreckless...yes, there are times that I drive too fast, but I've never feared anything happening. I don't think I ever thought I was totally invincible, but maybe a little bit. But I realized after this that I'm not invincible. These things can happen so quickly! It's scary. Right now, I've driven in a car since then on my way to work, but I haven't actually driven. I'm a little nervous to get behind the wheel again. I don't know...I might be able to drive in the city, but I'm freaked out to drive on the highway.
I was actually going to write about this about a week and a half ago, but never did. I find myself to be a paranoid person when it comes to others. And when they travel far. My parents left for New Hampshire on Easter morning (which is when I was going to write this) and I thought "they may not make it down there." Not the first time I've thought this - any time they travel anywhere, I think this. Or if a friend is travelling, or one of my siblings. I don't know...I always just expect the worst. I also think this if someone's late. I'm so very paranoid about these things.
Yet, I never worried about me being in an accident or dying. Maybe it's b/c of what I said in my last post, that I don't generally care about my own death (at least, not till now) But also, it's probably a slight feeling of invincibililty. So many young people have this. And I don't think I'm wreckless...yes, there are times that I drive too fast, but I've never feared anything happening. I don't think I ever thought I was totally invincible, but maybe a little bit. But I realized after this that I'm not invincible. These things can happen so quickly! It's scary. Right now, I've driven in a car since then on my way to work, but I haven't actually driven. I'm a little nervous to get behind the wheel again. I don't know...I might be able to drive in the city, but I'm freaked out to drive on the highway.
posted by Jill at
8:02:00 p.m.
2 Comments:
Hey Jill :)
I just heard about your accident today from Jess. I'm glad you're ok! Try alternating ice and moist heat (just whip a wet towel in the microwave) on your neck. It works well for me with my TMJ neck pain.
Try your best not to worry with all the "what if" scenarios. I do that ALL THE TIME and in the end you're going to end up stressing and worrying more which is not what you need. I understand your paranoia about getting behind the wheel again. That would be natural for anyone who went through what you just did.
Try to take each day at a time and I'm sure you'll find that things will get better. You've been through a lot and need time to let it calm down.
Take it easy dude, it will all be ok in the end. :)
By
Anonymous, at 4:24 p.m.
Thanks Bekah :) My neck's feeling better (still a bit sore, but not too bad) but I might try that anyway.
Yes, I know the what if's aren't good to think about. I'm trying not to, but my brain's been working on overdrive this week (well, on everything *but* work, which is what I need it to work on :S)
Thanks for your kind words of support - my nerves are getting better every day. Then again, I haven't had to drive again yet - not looking forward to that.
BTW, if you read this, I have been keeping up with your blog, but since I don't have a MySpace, I can't comment on it. But I have been reading!
♥
By
Jill, at 8:15 p.m.
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